I thought I would re-post this one, today. A few observations I made the last time I visited the US highlighting the differences between the UK and the US.
In America …
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No one walks anywhere.
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The don’t speak English.
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America is BIG.
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There are guns.
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The food comes in huge portions.
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There are concealed guns.
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They have a lot of police.
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Everything is done BIG.
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People carry guns in public.
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The boot is a trunk, and the bonnet is the hood of a car.
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They drive on the right because they had no knights in times of yore.The bars are not pubs, they’re clubs.
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You had better like burgers.
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They have walk-in closets.
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Their fridges are the size of walk-in closets.
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They use their microwave ovens for more than just reheating their coffee.
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Public transport is optional.
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There are no pavements.
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Pavements are sidewalks, only New York has sidewalks.
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They pre-chop and shovel their food with their forks.
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They have ‘Fanny’ packs.
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American’s think ‘Fanny’ is their butt.
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They’re an arse about their butt.
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Light switches go in opposite direction.
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People carry concealed weapons.
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There are police cars everywhere.
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Street signs are optional.
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Telegraph poles are utilities poles.
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ALL signage is attached to utilities poles.
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• There are a lot of utility poles.
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The police swarm like gangs.
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American beer all tastes the same.
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Drink American wine, it’s much better.
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The have Malls not high streets.
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In winter you roast inside the mall, in summer you freeze.
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They have an over dependence on their AC.
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Changing states is like visiting another planet.
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TV is 22 minutes of adverts and 38 minutes of actual programme per hour.
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Dogs and cats get better treatment than homeless people.
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They get confused when you say you are from the UK.
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Their money is all one colour.
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They don’t know how to spell.
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Biscuits are cookies, pudding is dessert, crisps are chips, and chips are French fries.
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They think a jumper is someone who throws themselves off a building.
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They play rugby and call it football, but never kick the ball until after they’ve scored.
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They play rounders and call it baseball.
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They play netball and call it basketball.
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They play soccer … the rest of the world plays football.
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They have no idea what cricket is other than a bug.
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OAPs don’t move in to nursing homes, they all move to Florida.
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They don’t have parliament, they have congress.
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And finally, don’t bum a fag from a stranger … ever!
No wonder we have difficulty communicating!
